Idiots

I do not recommend doing any of this shit. We were very dumb. We are lucky our friend was ok. We are lucky as hell. Many times. But this was one of those times. I look back at stuff like this and wonder how we functioned as people.

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A few years ago my cousin gave me a truck. I had been going through vehicles just from bad luck and not being able to afford something decent. Blew a rod on a Malibu, and my Mercedes died at work.

It was an older gmc, 99 or 2000 4x4 v8. Lot of miles, 200 000+ (320 000kms) but seemed like it was in decent condition and everything worked

At the time he bought it he had 4 vehicles, 2 for work for his company, 2 personal. One was a pretty much identical to the gm he got me.

But he regularly drove a lifted nissan titan with all sorts of lights, big tires, steel bush bumper. Lockers, leather, heated seats etc..

Anyways, was a nice saturday in the summer. I just got paid and was sitting at the local restaurant I used to work at waiting for a steak. I had gotten a new job, I had a truck that ran good. Just before my food came out I got a text from an unknown number

"Cousin joe it's your cousin. We flipped the truck. We are in the same area we camped in last weekend! We need your help we're fucked"

Out where they were there was no cell service, so I assume they got ahold of a satellite phone. Or something. How the hell they were texting me i really had no clue to be fair. It's a 30 minute drive to cell service from our camp spot

I got my steak to go. It was doubtful anyone knew my nickname AND where we camped last weekend unless it was really them.

They were about 3 hours away in the bush. About 1 hour from where they lived. I had no idea what I was gonna pull up on. So I grabbed a case of beer, some hoots, some chips and water and hit the road. Can't show up without some beers. And i felt sick if I didn't smoke so I had to grab the dab rig.

I had no idea what I was gonna pull-up to. I assumed they couldn't be too hurt or they would have gotten a ride to the hospital. I wasn't even sure i even remembered how to get there once I was out of service. It was a solid 40 minutes of bush driving to get there.

But I pressed on, steak in one hand, steering wheel in the other. Speeding. Nervous as hell what I was going to pull up on. My cousin has a tendency of really hurting himself and not being worried about it, so it could have been anything.

I found them, thank god I remembered how to get there, just a bit beyond where our last spot was. They had my cousins little rv trailer backed into a quiet little spot. I got greeted with joy and a beer. But they were almost out so my case was a welcoming thing.

My cousin was unphased but drunk

Our friend was tipsy and concussed.

They had managed to get the truck back on it's wheels with the same guy who had the satellite phone and just needed to flat tow it back near the trailer so we could figure out what to do the next day. It was already 6 or 7 o clock by that time. It was hydrolocked or assumed hydrolocked from oil in the cylinders from being upside down so it wouldn't start.

So we got in the gmc and went to the scene. Was very much offroad, big dips, large puddles. Little hills, big hills etc. We loaded the gm with the tonneau cover, all of the garbage, tools and broken shit that flew out when they flipped. We were idiots, not inconsiderate.

We hooked the titan to a tow strap. Our concussed friend insisted that since my cousin flipped the truck he should be the one in the dead titan holding the wheel and making sure he doesn't bash into my truck on the dips. That steel bumper would take anything out.

So I start pulling and we hit our first big dip. WHAM.. hit me. Fuck. Not a shocker it was a pretty big bumpy steep dip with a hole at the bottom and I had to slow down. I didn't wanna wreck our ride home. Next big dip. WHAM. AGAIN. Fuck these guys are idiots. I love them but fuck me. I yelled keep on the brakes. Our buddy is a mechanic so he HAS to know how to flat tow, right? You keep on the brakes so it doesnt roll into the vehicle in front at the best of times not to mention off road.

We get back to site and pull the titan into the bushes. My truck looks OK, because I was pointing downhill the titan really only hit the hitch and the bumper. Whatever. Apparently our buddy was looking for the e brake not hitting the actual brake.

We finish off the case of beer, mostly me because they were already half cut. And I wake up the next morning before they do

Every panel on the titan is damaged. The headlights hanging out. Windshield is completely shattered. Roof caved in, doors dented box dented. Side airbags deployed.

But we had decided the night before we gotta get it running so at the very least we could get it to where a tow truck could get it.

I woke up early, ish. Kinda hungover but that was every day. We figured if we flipped the Pyro fuse and cranked the truck with the sparkplugs out it would fire. It shut off pretty much as soon as the airbags went off so it probably didn't blow the engine. Worth a shot anyways as anything but a 4x4 truck would struggle to make it out here and there isn't an offroad recovery service that we were aware of.

It was a hot day, at least for a Canadian, I remember that vividly. About 93°f (34°c) at the peak. I don't do well in anything over 25°c. I pulled most of the spark plugs and my cousin got a couple of the hard ones

Our concussed buddy was not feeling great between hangover, concussion and heat.

Flipped the Pyro and bang the truck cranked and blew a ton of oil out the spark plug tubes. Perfect, just what we wanted.

Cleaned up the sparplugs put em back in while we discussed what to do with the trailer.

We decided to leave it in the woods, come back after work on Monday with the Chevy or my gm as the tow hitch we had was a massive drop hitch for a lifted truck not a stock truck

We finally got all the spark plugs in, and the truck fired up. Hell yeah all around.

My cousin kicks out the windshield, we throw that in the back of the gm, puts a dirtbike helmet on thay he had in the camper. Lock it up turn the lights on so it looks occupied and off we go.

Our buddy was not well. He started to puke every 20 minutes by the time we hit main roads. We decided to drive the truck back to my cousins place rather than towing it. Through Bragg Creek, a fancy rich community into Calgary. Of course our buddy puked at the lights in bragg creek.

Imagine, your having a nice lunch in a quiet moutain town. You hear a loud ass truck and you turn your head to see a totaled truck with no windshield and a guy driving with a dirtbike helmet on. Then an old Chevy full of parts and garbage from said smashed truck goes by. Stops, the passenger hops out and pukes, then they both peel out of there.

Fucking comical

I drove our friend to the hospital because.. well.. concussion and puking. Cousin managed to make it all the way home without being pulled over.

What a fuck around.

Turns out my truck had a pretty bad frame and hitting it twice with the titan slumped it in the middle. So we were lucky we didn't hook up the trailer or the titan would have been towing the trailer home and the gm would be stuck in the bush cracked in half.

We dropped tonneau cover at our other buddies ranch threw all the garbage away. Checked on my cousins boat while we were there. He joked I should take it home for helping

The boat got stolen the next day by somebody..

Fuck we were idiots.

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