1 pm

A short piece on what a lot of mornings looked like for me as a younger teenager. Unfortunately we partied so much there really isnt many pictures of us or the shenanigans. But this piece is a reflection of my shitty habits when they truly formed into a regular thing. This wasn't one morning. This was over and over.

This isnt a cry for help, or pity. I am doing really well. It's just me being real about where I was. Honestly as odd as it may sound, this place of my life really does hold a lot of nostalgia for me. Yeah the house was a mess, yeah my life was falling apart. But it is a part of me and sometimes it was really fun

I used this picture from 2021 because in a lot of ways it accurately describes where I ended up. In a lot of ways it describes where I started. Lonely, sad, confused and angry. Just allowing the world to roll over me

1pm

…

It's about 1pm

…

Cigarette smoke hangs low

…

The scent of Febreeze combatting with the cigarettes for who's more obnoxious

…

The chatter of NCIS: Los Angeles muttered in the background like the crime scene wasn't last night's drinking

…

And the dogs claws chattering against the lynol as they follow you in..

…

Floors scattered with dirt, dust, random clothes

Beer cans placed in inconsistent spots throughout like an easter hunt of last nights regrets..

Dog hair and dust float in front of the yellowed sunblinds …

…

My ears are ringing, head is pounding

The sun is so bright in the kitchen

Fuck me I wish I could sleep a bit more

I'm hungover

This isn't new to me. Just needed a couple good hoots and maybe some elk jerky

A Tylenol

Maybe a beer if we didn't drink it all last night

My friends mom sitting with a drink in hand watching TV

Smoking a cigarette..

Petting her favorite dog

…

"You all have a good night last night?" She asks

"Yeah. Not feeling great today though"

"Oh this aint my first rodeo kiddo. I heard yall up at 1 in the morning. So long as y'all had fun"

"Always"

…

She was like the mother I never had. Little too late, I was 15 and already had issues. But she would listen to me whenever I had issues.

She would take me to buy weed

She would hang out when I needed someone to hang out with

Sometimes I'd go over there just to see her

After she died I never really went back

…

I step out to the porch, a half finished half roofed deck covered in construction materials, beer cans and bird shit.

I grab a few roaches out of the ashtray and load it into the bong

Probably hadn't been cleaned in a month, but i didn't wanna wake my buddy up to get papers or bum weed off him

I choke on whats left of that morning's dignity

Grab a beer

Sit down with my friends mom and wait for my buddies

And begin the cycle again

Thank you for reading! I tend to write about healing, philosophy, depression and love, but really I write whatever seems to come to me. If this sounds interesting please consider subscribing below

When I get to 1000 subscribers I am doing an oil change with the big gel nails on a live stream. I will show you how to do it, and struggle very much. During said live stream I will be running a QR code to a womens charity of some sort. It will be researched and make sure it's going to the right place. I will also be donating that month's paid subs to said charity.